"Here I am, staring blankly in my closet. Searching for what to wear. Why am I having this much trouble deciding? It's not like Putz would know what I'm wearing... And yet, I'm still undecided. This whole day has been undecided. Were we going to postpone the inevitable? Were we taking you away from this world too soon?... Why is this so hard? I realized it's 3:30pm which means we only have one more hour left with you. One whole hour to spend until we reach the vet clinic, and eventually make the most difficult decision. The decision to put you to sleep" - What I wrote on a piece of paper @ 3:29pm Friday November 27, 2020.
I wish you had more time
I wish it didn't have to be like this
I wish you only knew - This decision wasn't easy. But, we know you're in pain, I know from what the doctor said, it would only get worse. I don't want you to hurt any longer.
We love you.
It was February of 2008.
My 10th time asking my parents to just come and see you for themselves before they decide that their final answer was still in fact a "No". I knew though, the minute they saw you, you'd win them over. When the Petland employee took you out of that glass showcase cage and into the play pen, we all fell in love. You had this sense of curiosity yet spirt of energy that filled the room, you were stubborn and shy all at the same time - We knew you would fit right in. The minute my mom said "You have to take care of everything"... that's when I knew - You were going to be a part of our family.
We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into after getting you. You were our first family dog, ever. And I can only imagine now, only being 16 years old and having to care for another creature was definitely out of my level of expertise. But you managed. You loved me unconditionally through it all.
You were there through all of my tantrums with my parents, you witnessed my heartbreaks, you listened to my 2:00a.m. secret phone calls, and you'd sit there in the washroom with me as I would cry in the shower and somehow knew to comfort me when I moved to my bed. You've seen our family grow, evolve, and learn from our mistakes. You were there through all the joys of holiday seasons, you were fed so many tasty treats, and you experienced the pros and cons of country to city living. Only thirteen years, thirteen years too short, yet so many memories, so much that you've seen, so much that you have gone through just by being by my side.
Today was an extremely difficult day. I can't help but feel guilty for not giving you enough attention, I already mourn for those days of seeing you strolling behind me, following me even though there's a whole field of other pups in the dog park. I wish I hugged you more, took better care of you, and ultimately be present when I was home with you. But, with all that's been said and done, we had a good run, and we both know that regardless of all that, we didn't love each other any less. I only hope that you lived the life you deserved and you ate all the wonderful treats we had to offer. I hope that you know - So many people have love and loved you and that will never change. With every cute and tiny object in this world, it will always be for you, Putty.
Until next time, Putz.
Love you Forever and Always.